DanieLLe (myperfectflaws) wrote,

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Suck It Up

Fill this out, bitches!

I ___ Danielle.
Danielle needs ____.
I want to ____ Danielle.
Danielle can ____ my ____.
Someday Danielle will _____.
Danielle reminds me of _____.
Without Danielle, _____.
Danielle can be ______.
Meeting Danielle was _______.
The worst thing about Danielle is _____.
The best thing about Danielle is _____.
I am a ____ to Danielle.
I think Danielle should _____.
I think Danielle will ______.
I think Danielle might _______.
I think Danielle is _____.
Danielle is my favorite ______.
I like when Danielle _____.
I don't like when Danielle ______.
Danielle _____ - period.

*waits for people to steal that*

Randomness: I can't get the smell of raw sewage out of my system! I had to park by a sewer today bc there were no other spots available, and ALL DAY I could NOT get the stench out of my system. Maybe it got on me or something (it can't be though bc nobody said anything, and my friends definitely would have lol) but it won't go away! It's so nasty! It smells like funky contaminated dirty musty salt water OMG it's so gross! I hope it goes away...

So school was ok today. I realized today that I really only have 2 full days of school left. Thursday and Friday my school has off, but I have to take my AP English test and AP European History test on those days, which only last a few hours so basically I have no school. Next week is the first week that I don't have english class in the morning! That means that I get to go into school late - MUCH later than the rest of you fools lol.

Technically I don't have to go in until homeroom at 8:25, but I'm going to ask the principal if I can not go to homeroom at all, because my NEXT class is AP European History (which is over once the AP test is over, so I'll have a free) and THEN it's my lunch period (yes my lunch period is at 9:30 in the morning) so that's a free too, and I don't really have to be in school until 10:15 business law. It'd be awesome if I didn't have to go to school until 10:15 every day! Then I have religion, band (I only have band a few days a week) and then I get to leave at 12:30! Because my last class is AP economics, and starting next week, that class is over as well. Awesome!

Speaking of AP Economics, I got a 70 on that test I took Friday that I studied really hard for. On one hand I am HELLA disappointed, but on the other hand, I'm really happy that I passed. That's a first! Lol actually a second; I got a 72 on the very first test we took and then failed continuosly ever since.

But anyway! All day today I felt really dumb. SO much shit is going on inside my head with so many things. Sometimes Sam hears me crying in the middle of nowhere when we're on the phone. She probably wonders what's going on since this seems to happen out of thin air, but just SO much is bothering me lately and no it's not really a NEW thing... it just kinda gets to me. I started talking to my dad again. We'll see how long this lasts. I mean yeah I'm kinda happy about it, but it definitely affects me and I just feel like I can't really talk to anyone about it. I dunno.

There's different aspects of my life that are bothering me SO much, and I seriously feel for the first time that I have nobody to talk to. Nobody who will understand anyway, or listen the way I need them to listen and actually contribute to the conversation by responding to what I say. I mean some issues are about my dad, some are about Sam and some are about life in general. It's not like I can talk to Sam about my own issues with her lol WHY CAUSE ALL THE DRAMA? Why not just leave it the way it is? But it's KILLING me not to talk about it, and nobody gives a shit enough to listen or understands or even reacts the way I want them to. I dunno.

I mean I know I have Ro - my best friend - but she just doesn't GET IT and... ugh. I can't explain it. And Jodi doesn't wanna listen to me talk about Sam cuz that would just be upsetting to her. All of my other friends don't give a fuck if something about Sam is bothering me bc they think she's God's gift to mankind or something. NOBODY understands how I feel about my dad or knows about our past. Nobody WANTS to know about our past bc they pretty much just see him as a monster, which he kinda is. People think I'm being dramatic if I talk about things that are really concerning me about life. I don't ever want to be viewed as a drama queen, so I just keep this all to myself as much as I can.

It's starting to really bother me. Now none of you better not suggest that I go to therapy lol. Who's gonna pay for it? And besides, if I tell my parents that I wanna go to therapy, you have no IDEA how much shit I will get for it. My mom and Mouse already abuse me enough with the whole mocking me thing. They'd have a field day if I EVER said that I was unhappy. All they ever do is call me a drama queen, and I never say ANYTHING to them about ANYTHING! Then again they also call me selfish and stuff, so they pretty much know nothing about me, but whatever. Anyway, I'm just gonna continue dealing with this like I have been for the past 8 months. We'll see how long this lasts.
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